Amalia: Diary Two by Ann M. Martin

Author:Ann M. Martin [Martin, Ann M.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-4532-9816-9
Publisher: Open Road Media
Published: 2014-02-20T19:10:00+00:00

Thurs., 10/1

Morning

Way, way early

Back again.

Where was I?

Dr. Fuentes’s office.

Maggie has just been told things are great.

She doesn’t like this at all. Her smile vanishes.

She says it just like that. Gently. Not a question, not a ridicule. Just a word.

“That’s how I feel,” Maggie explains. “I…have this problem with eating. It’s like torture to me. I hate the sight of food. I hate the sight of myself. When I was 110, I wanted to be 105. When I was 105, I wanted to be 100. I feel like nothing comes easy to me—not weight, not school, not friends….”

“Maggie,” Dr. Fuentes says, “what does come easily to you? What do you really enjoy?”

Maggie thinks a moment. “Writing. My poems. My songs. I mean, I’m not that good at it, but I love it. I get lost in myself. Like I’m in a private little room where every-thing’s perfect.” She sighs. “Sometimes I just wish I could stay there.”

“Why don’t you?”

“I can’t be lazy all the time. I have work to do. You can’t be the best if you’re locked away from reality.”

“And you have to be the best.”

“I try.”

“And what happens if you’re not the best?”

Maggie’s looking annoyed. “I don’t think about that.”

“The world would end?”

“No. But things would…I don’t know, fall apart.”

“Your grades?”

“Yes.”

“Your lessons?”

“Yes.”

“Your band?”

“Yes.”

“Your family?”

“Yes.”

“Your body too?”

Maggie opens her mouth to say yes. But nothing comes out.

I can tell the comment has hit home.

Her eyes have become red.

“You don’t get it,” Maggie says. “You don’t have my family. You don’t have the pressure of—”

“Of what? Of having to fix things? Of having to make it all better? Being the shining star? The one who makes everyone smile? ‘We Blumes may be falling apart, but Maggie’s acing her exams and playing a recital and singing in a band and winning awards and looking thin and beautiful.’ Is that it?”

Maggie’s shoulders heave a bit. She shudders.

Don’t cry, I’m thinking.

Maggie is a rock. She never lets her anger or sadness or frustration show. Seeing her like this is scary.

Then I realize something, Nbook. Now I’m being like everyone else. I’m expecting her to be perfect.

“You don’t like to cry, do you?” Dr. Fuentes asks softly.

Maggie shakes her head.

“You hate when every-thing feels out of control. Especially your emotions.”

Maggie nods.

Then, finally, she breaks down into sobs. Kind of pent up and squeaky at first, then louder until she’s practically gasping for air.

I walk over to her and put my arm around her shoulder. We rock back and forth. I’m pretty weepy myself.

I know it’s time to end the session, but Dr. Fuentes doesn’t mention it.

Finally Maggie says, in a tiny voice, “You’re right.”

“Maggie, some things are beyond our control,” Dr. Fuentes says softly. “You can’t solve everyone’s problems. Yours are hard enough.”

“I want to get better,” Maggie says.

Dr. Fuentes nods. “I believe you. You’re here. That means you want to change. Which is a good thing. Because anorexia can be very serious.”

Maggie blanches. “What can I do?”

“First of all, realize it may take awhile,” Dr.

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